An Uncrossing Ritual to Free the Mouth

A while back at Crucible, on the eve of my giving my presentation, I had an interesting dream.  There was a new fad of piercing going around: three horizontal barbells going through each cheek, like it was a variation of corset piercings but for the sides of the face.  I decided to get a set for my own cheeks, and I was amused at how they looked, but they came with a drawback I hadn’t expected.  It was hard to open my mouth fully, and if I tried to open my mouth too wide then it would hurt too much, like having one’s wisdom teeth pulled.  Add to it, every time I tried to open my mouth, I would get these flaky bruises all down my neck and onto the left side of my chest; they would flake and brush off pretty easily, but more kept coming back.

The night before giving a presentation, I have a dream where it’s hard for me to open my mouth?  Yeah, I wasn’t going to chance it being “just a dream”, despite that I don’t often put stock into dreamwork or premonition dreams.  That said, I’m in the habit of going before Hermes every night and asking for true dreams to understand and to remember, so I wasn’t going to just shrug it off.  It may very well have been a stress dream, but some quick divination suggested it was a cross of some sorts, and I wasn’t going to have that going on the first time I gave a presentation to the occult community.  So, with my friends, I went to the local grocery store, got a few things, and cobbled together an on-the-spot uncrossing ritual with the aim to remove all blockages and bindings on one’s mouth.  This would be good for anyone leading a presentation, speech, or discussion, and isn’t too labor-intensive by any means; after all, if I can do this on the fly on a road trip, you can do this just as easily.

For the record, I would have completely forgotten about writing about this if it weren’t for the fact I’m also considering more follow-up ritual and investigation from some more recent dreams.  But hey, in case you were looking for a ritual to free one’s mouth from possible spellwork, here you go!

For this ritual, you’ll need:

  • Holy water
  • Four lemons
  • Whole cloves
  • Figs
  • Honey
  • Wine

Take the lemons and stick four whole cloves around the meridian of the lemon where it’s fattest.  When appropriate to do so, go to a 4-way crossroads of some sort (I used a bridge over a river), wash off with the holy water and fling the spiritual filth into the middle of the intersection.  Invoke Hermes and make an offering of a small mound of figs drizzled on top with honey and poured over with wine, saving some of each for yourself later.  Take each of the four lemons and roll them in an always downward direction from the top of your head, down your neck, down each of your arms, down your chest and back, down your legs, and down to under your feet, asking Hermes all the while to remove all crosses, curses, bindings, and restrictions placed upon you.   Spit on each of the lemons and pray that Hermes remove all crossings and bindings and have them affect the lemons, sour that they are that they close the mouth and tighten the voice, and that the lemons take all the hit placed upon you.

Take some of the leftover figs, honey, and wine for yourself.  Dip the figs in the honey, eating them while saluting Hermes and proclaiming that “truth is sweet and smooth”; drink some wine while saluting Hermes and proclaiming that “truth is swift and strong”.  Pray that Hermes especially watch over your mouth and tongue that you may speak fluidly and fluently, saying what must be said that it may be swift and convincing and that you may bear the messages of the gods and men to those who might hear them.

Carry two of the lemons in your pocket with you.  Take one of the lemons you spit upon and  throw it into the crossroads.  Leave the crossroads without looking back and taking a different course to your origin than you took to get there, and halfway through throw one of the lemons over your left shoulder.  During your presentation or speech, set one of the lemons out in a discrete place between you and the audience (on the podium, between your feet, etc.), then throw it away after the presentation.  Keep the last lemon with you until you return to a safe place at the end of the day, then throw it away outside your safe place where you most likely won’t pass by and is out of the way.

By the way, feel free to wash off with any kind of holy water, khernips, Florida water, or the like frequently during the time you do the ritual until the end of the day.  A bit of extra spiritual cleanliness definitely won’t hurt and it’ll help loosen up any curses or crosses sent upon you, making it easier for the lemons to take the hit.

Clean(s)ing House

Wednesdays are awesome for me.  They’re the days I get to wake up late, lounge around all day in my underwear (if that), eat and drink whatever I goddamn want whenever I goddamn want, and take long-ass showers in the dark like my bathroom is a sensory deprivation chamber.  Why?  Because I work from home those days, and not being in the office lets me get a lot done at home and gives me more time to take care of my own affairs.

Over the past Mercury Retrograde period (which ended, like, just now), things were crazy.  I had a trip happen every weekend, my phone died after gravity and toilets conspired against me (how shitty!), I gained some extra weight from eating on the go and overeating too often, and my entire practice pretty much fell apart at the seams.  It’s been nice, though, as a break and distraction, but now it’s time to get things back in order, and it’s time to clean house.  Let’s start with that literally, because my house is getting pretty dusty.

Why bother with cleaning a house as a magician?  Because cleanliness is next to godliness.  Duh.  Not to mention that it makes things easier to find, if you’ve got a lot of occult wares, and that it keeps what you have and use in good condition, but also because things just feel better.  When you live cleanly and organizedly, things fall into place more often, and if your physical environment is a reflection of your mental state, then busting out the vacuum and dustrags is a sign that you’ve got work and Work to do.

But, as a magician, I’ve also got to take care of higher matters, and since my home is my temple, my physical environment really does affect my mental and spiritual states more than just being able to wear clothes that aren’t wrinkled or dusty.  Things get drawn in, things get stuck, and things get infested.  It sucks, and when that happens you know it’s time to bust out the holy water and go to town on the place.  I used to take an asperger and simply splash holy water around my house, and that works perfectly.  However, as I gained some more supplies, I regularly put together a small amount of a special cleansing solution I use around my house.  It hasn’t failed me yet, and it leaves the whole place smelling fresh and vibrant, not to mention leaving the place feeling the same.  Without further ado, I present to you the recipe and method for making and using Polyphanes’ Cleansing Potion:

  • 8 oz spray bottle
  • 1/4 tsp lemon ammonia (to get rid of the really nasty shit)
  • 10 drops Banish And Cleanse oil (to wipe off and out anything that shouldn’t be there)
  • 10 drops Uncrossing oil (to remove any buildup or residue of anything bad happening or done at you)
  • 10 drops Van Van oil (to clear out anything bad, turn bad things to good, opens new doors, and gives good luck)
  • 10 drops 7-11 Holy Oil (to purify, sanctify, and bless the home)
  • Holy water (to banish, cleanse, clean, and protect, as well as being a base for everything else)
  1. Mix ammonia and oils together in the spray bottle.
  2. Top off spray bottle with holy water.
  3. Wash yourself with holy water beforehand to cleanse yourself.
  4. If you’re cautious or have a lot going on normally, give the friendly spirits in your home a place to hide or a general leave to depart so that they can be invited back later.
  5. Spritz around the house, back to front, saying “ΑΠΩ ΑΠΩ ΠΑΝΤΟΣ ΚΑΚΟΔΑΙΜΟΝΕΣ” or “ABI ABI ESTI PROFANI” or something to that effect.