In light of, er, all this light work I’ve been doing lately (which is fantastic bee tee dubs, but I’m starting to sense the price and risk associated with it all), a few lines of a song crept into my head this morning.

And through these doubts and through your confusion
Know that you are chosen to this fight
Look to find a soul filled with compassion
Look to see a living source of light

They’re from a song I heard…jeez, more than six years ago?  The guy I was dating then (we met in the most fantastic and silly of ways, and I need to get my ass out to the West and see him again when I’ve the leave and money to) gave me a mix CD from a gothy store once, and I immediately took a liking to a vast majority of the songs.  One of the songs was called Sophia, by the Crüxshadows, and it’s been one of my favorite songs for a long while now.  Not only did it get me more into EBM, dark dance music, and helped me out explore some of my more darker emotions and thoughts, but it’s been surprisingly fitting to my current work lately.

Despite affecting a very dark and edgy look, the Crüxshadows are very dominant with messages with life and light (which, I’d contend, is a mark of being a true goth).  Sophia is one of their big hits that made it onto several billboard records, but it also scored a big hit with me.  Now that I’ve started to work intensely with light as a force, I’ve started to rethink some of these lyrics in terms of my current situation.

After going through a small emo, ranty phase earlier, doubting pretty much what I was doing and only being told that I was doing things right even though I didn’t know what I was doing, I’m starting to see what the spirits and divination readings meant.  There is a purpose to what I’ve been doing, and even though it’s by no means complete, I’m just barely starting to get glimmers of what’s going on and how to get there.  And, to start with, this purpose consists of being a proper human being.  Right, human beings are animals, and we’re born into an animal dog-eat-dog (sometimes literally) world.  But as humans, we don’t have to kill, we don’t have to have packs and alphas, we don’t have to wage war on everything just to get our next meal.  We have the ability to help and share, right down to our emotion, minds, and spirits.

To be a proper human, we have to be able to act as light would in the darkness.  After all, we are descended ultimately from the Infinite Light, and even when we shut our eyes to it, the Light still shines around and within us.  It may be filtered through different crystals to form different colors, and sometimes it might be dimmed or warped or shifted to a degree that it becomes invisible to us but apparent in other ways or to other eyes; the Light still shines.  And it’s by knowing this Light, both outside us and inside us, that we know what we really are.

“How can I hope to be what’s inside of me?”  Look, and let the light guide you.