Earlier today, I was making chickpea curry, since I like curry and had some beans leftover that needed to be used before they got all nasty. So I mixed the chickpeas with spices, a jar of tomatoes, and stuff like that, including some dried chipotle peppers I decided to cut up and crush up. The curry tastes amazing, with that just-right amount of subtle spice. Spicy or hot things, as you might have guessed, would be considered a fiery substance, and in the old theory of humours, this is called a choleric food (choler = yellow bile = humour of Fire).
Well, being the forgetful idiot that I am, I didn’t wash my hands before adjusting myself in my pants. Thus ensued a period of intense pain on my wang, which, after thinking about it briefly with friends on the Internet, could be alleviated by another foodstuff I have in my fridge. Saith I from my conversation: “I’m about to go slather my cock in yoghurt.”
Well, yoghurt is a dairy product, and milk is considered a phlegmatic substance (phlegm = humour of Water). Fire and water counteract and are of opposing natures, so I gave it a shot. Despite it being one of the most awkward experiences of my life, cold yoghurt worked to remove the burnening.
Clearly, I have learned a valuable lesson: use strained or Greek-style yoghurt for a smoother texture.
“To Get an Erection When You Want: Grind up a pepper with some honey and coat your ‘thing’.”
I think you’re following in a fine magical tradition, brother.
Oh god, I did tweet that last night, too. It’s like I was inadvertently prophetic or something. I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS.
wow…..i am snickering but i feel your pain as a male…..wow.
The joys of being the general go-to guy for anything even vaguely medically related:
Female friend: “I took the pill, but it still burns!”
Me: “It’ll take a day or so to kick in, but it’ll work.”
Female friend: “Is there anything I can do in the meantime?”
Me: “…do you have any plain yoghurt?”
Female friend: “Yeah, but how will… wait… really? Seriously?”
(20 minutes later)
New text message: “THERE IS NO GRACEFUL WAY TO DO THIS”
I can sympathize wholeheartedly with her. She had more of an issue, too, what with her having, er, a cavity to wash out.